RRN Online Volume 309

May 04 '02

Volume 309

Musings Top Ten And Genetics

I've been considering making one of those "Top Ten" lists like Dave Letterman uses to delineate the relative importance of certain things. While I'm not, by any stretch of the imagination, a fan of Dave Letterman, I admit to having watched his late night show.

The list I need to work on is a ranking of things, places, or situations where men feel uncomfortable. If I were to base the list on my personal experiences, I figure there would be other males who could relate to it as well. For instance, most men (myself included) would consider a trip to the lingerie section something to be avoided, even if one's purpose in being there is as innocent as accompanying a spouse or "significant other. Men and "lingerie sections" are incompatible, and like matter and anti-matter, it's best the two do not meet.

Though it's never happened to me, I would imagine most men feel uncomfortable in a romantic dinner setting involving someone other than a spouse and have the spouse show up, as well. I can declare, on my part, an aversion to beauty parlors. I consider beauty parlors to be a domain for women only and have never cared for all the attention paid to my appearance on the occasions requiring me to enter such a place.

Somewhere in every male's top ten list of things to avoid should be an item named jewelry parties. I know some men who wear gold necklaces, and while I don't care for such, I suppose it's okay for them. I also know a guy or two who sports an earring. As far as I know, they're straight. However, I doubt any of these individuals found their jewelry at a party.

I suppose it was my having to take my wife to a jewelry party the other night that prompted me to remember certain situations where men feel uncomfortable. Luckily, I didn't have to sit through the dealer's presentation and was in my daughter's home and had the freedom to move about unrestricted.

I'm not through compiling my list. I may never finish it without some reader input. So, if any reader wants to contribute, the opportunity to do so is now. Meanwhile, the occasion of reflecting upon the above has given rise to the following thoughts.

The female of our species has always fascinated me. Even as a small child, I remember noticing that boys and girls were different, physically. I paid more attention to the physical aspects of our differences about the time I hit puberty and have been paying physical attention ever since.

Males and females have greater differences than just physical characteristics. While it's not hard to recognize our emotional differences and it's a challenge to deal with them, it's impossible to understand them. There have been countless attempts by self-help authors, psychiatrists, and others to enlighten us on our differences, but they have dealt largely with how to cope with them. Few make an attempt to bring us to an understanding level, and I'll not try to do so here.

There is a bond among women that does not exist among men. Women tend to support each other in ways far different that men do. I don't know when in our evolutionary period this happened, but it most surely happened long ago. Women formed support groups. I don't know why they did, but they did, and while that which needed supporting has changed over the years, the need for support has been constant.

I see that need reflected these days, not only in the lives of my family members but in the lives of friends, too. In the past, whether over the backyard "gossip fence," at the beauty parlor, bridge club, civic club, grocery store, or other location, personal conversation was the key element of support. It still is, but the telephone, for many women, has replaced the need to visit the "fence" or social/ civic clubs, and with cellular phones being the rage, support is available 24/7 (twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week).

I stopped looking at the phone bill back in the eighties. I found my blood pressure was not adversely affected if I remained ignorant of the hours and resultant expense associated with the almost daily long distance calls my wife made to her mother. In the nineties, we enrolled in a calling plan that reduced our in-state long distance charges, further reducing my stress. Before one concludes that my phone expense worries have subsided now that Barbara's mother is in a nursing home and the calls are not long distance, consider that calls to my daughter are long distance charges. Hardly a day goes by that Rayanne and Barbara don't talk to each other, and the telephone is their medium of choice.

Apparently they talk about things that interest them, and they split the expenses between them by not waiting on the other person to initiate a call. I am kept up-to-date on the happenings in my daughter's daily life by listening to a condensed version related by my wife.

While I remain puzzled by their respective needs in maintaining daily communication, I've learned to live with it, and recognize it as something too deeply rooted in their evolutionary past or present gene pool over which to worry my "pretty little head."

Mississippi Pride Still More Little Know Facts

Pride in one's home state comes naturally for some of us. Unfortunately, we don't always do a good job in communicating that pride to others. This article is the continuation of an email I received from Bing Crausby and culminates with this issue. The list is by no means definitive, but will perhaps help kindle reader's interests in the colorful history of our fair state.

Serving during Reconstruction, Hiram Revels was the first Black U.S. Senator.

The first Parents-Teachers Association was founded in Crystal Springs, MS.

Note: In addition to Bing's email I found a website touting still more interesting facts about Mississippi.

Friendship Cemetery in Columbus has been called "Where Flowers Healed A Nation." On April 25, 1866 the ladies of Columbus, Mississippi decided to decorate both Confederate and Union soldiers' graves with garlands and bouquets of beautiful flowers. As a direct result of this kind gesture, Americans celebrate what has come to be called Memorial Day each year.

The oldest book in America, an ancient Biblical manuscript, is located at the University of Mississippi.

World Color, a printer in Corinth, Mississippi prints National Geographic.

The University of Southern Mississippi houses the world's largest collection of original manuscripts and illustrations of children's literature.

The University of Mississippi Blues Archive in Oxford contains the world's largest collection of Blues music.

Lumberton, Mississippi, is the home of the world's largest pecan nursery (Bass Pecans).

Issaquena County, Mississippi is the home of the world's largest cottonwood tree.

The world's largest manufacturer of furniture wood products is in Eupora, Mississippi.

Edwards, Mississippi is the home of the world's largest cactus plantation.

Belzoni, Mississippi, is called the "Catfish Capital of the World."

Greenwood, Mississippi, is called the "Cotton Capital of the World" and is the home of Cotton Row, which is the second largest cotton exchange in the nation. Cotton Row is on the National Register of Historic Places.

Vardaman, Mississippi, is called the "Sweet Potato Capital of the World."

Greenville, Mississippi, is called the "Towboat Capital of the World."

Root Beer was invented in Biloxi, Mississippi, in 1898 by Edward Adolf Barq, Sr.

The rarest of North American cranes lives in Mississippi in the grassy savannas of Jackson County. The Mississippi Sandhill Crane stands about 44 inches tall and has an eight-foot wing span.

Mississippi's Petrified Forest near Flora is the only such site in the eastern United States.

The world's largest headboard manufacturing plant is the Masonite Company in Laurel, Mississippi.

Mississippi native Harry A. Cole, Sr., invented Pine Sol in 1929.

The Space Shuttle's main engines are test-fired at the Stennis Space Center in Hancock County.

Jackson is headquarters for Vickers Aerospace, Marine Defense where components are designed and manufactured for virtually every aircraft flown in the world.

The U.S. Navy's most sophisticated ships are built at the Ingalls Shipyard, a division of Litton Industries, in Pascagoula.

Guy Bush of Tupelo, was one of the most valuable players with the Chicago Cubs. He was on the 1929 World series team and Babe Ruth hit his last home run off a ball pitched by Bush.

Casey Jones, the famous railroad engineer, died in a crash at Vaughan, Mississippi, while trying to make up for lost time.

S. B. "Sam" Vick of Oakland, played for the New York Yankees and the Boston Red Sox. He was the only man ever to pinch hit for baseball great Babe Ruth.

The University of Mississippi Medical Center, in 1963, performed the world's first human lung transplant. On January 23, 1964, Dr. James Hardy performed the world's first heart transplant surgery.

Bodock Beau Mars And Venus

Understanding gender differences is difficult at best, and for most of us impossible. A heaping helping of humor helps. Kenneth Gaillard sent us this refreshing perspective on the subject.

Mars & Venus

A guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.

She thinks to herself "Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of."

And Roger is thinking, "Gosh. Six months."

And Elaine is thinking, "But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?"

And Roger is thinking, "So that means it was... let's see.... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which

means ... lemme' check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here."

And Elaine is thinking, "He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected."

And Roger is thinking, "And, I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say. It's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600."

And Elaine is thinking, "He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure."

And Roger is thinking, "They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs."

And Elaine is thinking, "Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy."

And Roger is thinking, "Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a darn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their..."

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" replies Roger, startled.

"Don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes brimming with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh my, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" asks Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" asks Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine continues.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might

work.) "Yes," he says.

Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. "Thank you, Roger."

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine calls her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, pauses just before serving, frowns, and says:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

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