February 10 '01
Volume 245
Dead
Man Talking Looking On The Dark Side
An old adage states,
"Dead men tell no tales." That a dead person cannot speak is basically
a given, but as technology and science aid forensic pathologists in their
work, dead bodies often reveal the circumstance and cause of death. Yet,
that's not the same as speaking from beyond the grave.
From a scientific perspective, all that is beyond the realm of our physical
and explainable existence is considered paranormal. As of this writing, no
one has yet proved the existence of a spirit world. That is not to say the
spirit world does not exist, it is merely to note that proof of such is
undocumented.
From the earliest history of mankind, persons have believed in the paranormal
or a supernatural world. As best I can determine, it is popularly believed
that the spirit world can be subdivided into good and evil, with major religions
aligned on the good side and the occult and Satanism on the evil side. It's
not necessary to point out the milestones in the evolution of religious thought,
but it is worth noting that Christianity is founded upon a belief in the
spirit world, and owes its origins to the birth of Judaism centuries earlier.
Both Christian and Jewish writers acknowledge the existence of supernatural
events and supernatural beings. The Old Testament of the Bible mentions that
King Saul sought the aid of a spiritual medium, and the New Testament is
filled with the mention of demonic activity while Jesus, himself, commanded
evil spirits to leave the body of a wretched man and allowed them to enter
a herd of swine. One book of the New Testament, Hebrews, proclaims the Christian
life is like a relay race and that a heavenly host is in the grandstands
cheering on the participants…"surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses,"
is the translated phrase.
There may not be a spirit world, and if not, we who have committed ourselves
to God and entrusted our eternal salvation to his Son, Jesus, are fools to
be most pitied among all of mankind. There were spiritual mediums centuries
ago and there are spiritual mediums today. Though known by different titles,
mediums claim the ability to communicate with the dead, or more accurately,
the spirit of a deceased individual.
Some rather complex belief systems are brought into play by those who believe
it possible to communicate with the dead. I'm not qualified to discuss them,
let alone explain them, but why should I let that stop me. I've an opinion,
and there is no one better qualified to state my opinion than me.
First of all, one must believe that humans possess a "spirit," otherwise
when a human dies, that's it. He or she is no more, and the body itself,
in time, returns to the earth in its most basic elements. In Christian thought,
body and soul are one entity, but the soul survives the death of the body.
The soul is of the spiritual realm and, therefore, cannot suffer death.
Secondly, one must believe that, following death, a person's "spirit" tends
to hang around for a while, sometimes a long while. This belief is hampered
by the notion of many Christians that, upon death, one goes to Heaven or
Hell immediately, and, once transported, there is no returning. Yet, this
belief of lingering spirits may be somewhat bolstered by the Roman Catholic
Church's imagined Purgatory. Purgatory is a sort of a holding tank for the
spirits of the deceased wherein priests may prayerfully intercede on behalf
of the spirits held in Purgatory and influence the final destination of said
spirits. The belief in Purgatory leaves persons vulnerable to unscrupulous
religious leaders willing to offer their intercessory powers for a fee.
It is this "hanging around" notion that plays upon human emotions. Sensing
his own death imminent, Major Sullivan Ballou, a Union officer, wrote to
his wife just days before being killed at the 1st Battle of Bull
Run, "But, 0 Sarah, if the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen
around those they love, I shall always be with you, in the brightest day
and in the darkest night...always, always. And when the soft breeze fans
your cheek, it shall be my breath, or the cool air your throbbing temple,
it shall be my spirit passing by."
As much as I admire the tenderness of thought and the way the Major expressed
himself, I doubt his presence was ever manifested in the soft breeze or cool
air.
The twentieth century's most famous magician, Harry Houdini, promised his
wife that he would visit her beyond the grave, but he never mastered that
trick, at least not in time to benefit his wife. Personally, if my wife
predeceases me, I'd just as soon she wait for me on the other side, and I'm
certain she would not handle "being surprised" very well, if I should slip
back for a visit from beyond the grave.
Thirdly, one has to assume the dead one's spirit has nothing better to do
than sulk around in spooky rooms of old houses, moving furniture and opening
doors or windows. The really desperate of these somehow manage to show themselves
as apparitions to unsuspecting guests or occupants but passionately avoid
scientific detection.
Finally, one must find someone with special powers, gifted if you please,
to communicate with someone in the spirit world. It seems that spirits won't
strike up a conversation with just anybody (chuckle). I'm sorry. Excuse me,
there I go…making fun of someone's chosen profession, or should I say
his or her "gift to mankind." Heck, I did it again. So, I'm hopeless. Still,
I cannot apologize for thinking how charlatans prey upon suckers, by selling,
not giving away, their dubious gifts of spiritual communication.
How many fortunes do you suppose have been squandered in search for a word
from the grave? In King Saul's case, his consultation with a medium ultimately
cost him his throne. Most, only lose a few grand, but there's really no limit.
I've not seen John Edward, psychic medium/ spiritualist extraordinaire, but
I'm told he has a program on the Sci/Fi channel on cable/ satellite TV. Neither
have I read his book, "One Last Time." Still, John Edward, entertains thousands
of believers every week with his exploits and readings. His website offers
one the opportunity to be placed on a waiting list for a personal reading,
but I passed on the offer when I saw it would be at least a year's wait.
I'm serious about the year's wait, but that's not why I didn't sign the waiting
list. I wasn't interested, because I don't believe he is genuine.
A skillful reader can manipulate unsuspecting clients using known techniques
such as having operatives relay personal information about the individual
being read.
James Randi, a vocal critic of psychic mediums, has a standing challenge
to all, "One million dollars awaits the individual that can prove in a controlled
setting, that they have "super" powers."
Randi refers to Edward as a carnival act, claiming Edward "and the other
readers who plague the public currently, are trading in grief. The bereaved
stand helplessly before these operators, tears streaming down their cheeks
as they're fed bits of lotus, are being lied to and victimized. People like
Edward use them and discard them. They turn their sobs into dollars. And
no agency of the government will step in to stop this cruel, heartless
attack."
The Bible does not teach there are no spirits of darkness in the spirit world,
but it does offer stern warnings against getting involved with fortunetellers,
sorcerers, mediums, or anything else to do with the occult world. Ouija boards,
astrological charts, Tarot cards, etc., may have some substance in giving
persons direction in their lives, but, for God-fearers, their use mocks him
to whom all glory, and honor, and worship, and praise is due.
Someday, somewhere in eternity, I will stand before God to give an account
of my life on earth. There will be numerous rewards given me for my faithfulness
and steadfastness, but, due to my shortcomings, there will be numerous rewards
I will not receive. Whether or not it shall be weighed in my favor is not
yet known, but nowhere will it be noted that I ever dealt with a medium or
was persuaded by the psychic powers of one. Amen.
Funny Money
Politically Correct
Have you ever seen a three-dollar bill, what about a six-dollar bill? Well,
then, have you seen a four-dollar bill? They do exist, but not as legal tender
and are definitely not issued by the U.S. Treasury Department. However, some
enterprising soul or souls figured a way to make a quick buck would be to
create a fictitious denomination and design it in such a way as to poke fun
at our political system.
The three-dollar issue of funny money came out in '93 or '94 and mocked then
President Bill Clinton, whose entrance to the White House was marked with
controversy over Whitewater, gay's in the military, Travelgate, etc. My dentist
gave me a few of the fake bills, and I managed to keep one for myself after
giving some away.
I didn't see another new fake bill until the Monica Lewinsky affair was full
blown. (Don't read more into that statement than is intended.) Like the
three-dollar bill, the new "Sex-Dollar" bill that looks like a six-dollar
greenback, offered a comical look at the actions of the president at a time
when only humor could help us get through the evening news hour.
The four-dollar bill, spoofing Al Gore, made its debut during the Florida
recount debacle, and it also resembled its predecessors, the three-dollar
and six-dollar fakes. I purchased one of the six-dollar bills for a mere
dollar, a few years ago, and have recently received a few emails containing
the four-dollar image, but I don't own a genuine four-dollar bill.
The introduction of our newly designed legal currency by the Treasury was
initiated to make counterfeiting of the genuine article difficult and to
also provide retailers a means to be certain of the new currency's authenticity.
For example, a watermark is placed on the new bills that makes it almost
impossible for counterfeiters to replicate. About three years ago, I saw
a counterfeit $100 that looked enough like the real thing to be the real
thing. However, if one held the bill up toward a light the distinctive watermark
was missing. Carelessness on the part of store cashiers had cost the retailer
more than four hundred dollars.
I remember a tale my dad told back when I was learning to be a cashier in
his grocery business. The tale concerned some bogus checks that were being
passed on "The East Bank of Mississippi." Supposedly, a few merchants had
been duped into parting with their goods and/or cash by parties unknown.
I remember him laughing at the prospect of someone being dumb enough to accept
such a check. Yet, I'm sure had I cashed one of them, it would not have been
a laughing matter.
While on the Internet today, 2/01, I spotted an interesting news article.
It seems an employee of a Dairy Queen in Danville, KY, accepted a phony $200.00
bill as payment for a $2 order and gave the customer $198 in change. I am
a little surprised¾ though I shouldn't
be¾ I've eaten at a few Dairy Queens.
It's been my observation that workers in fast-food restaurants aren't exactly
Rhode Scholars. I really don't mean that as a put-down or derogatory statement
about anyone's race, creed, sexual orientation, or national origin, but when
I consider the lack of qualified persons to fill jobs in the service sector,
it's a wonder there's anyone behind the counter who speaks English.
Still, I'm left with a few questions? Was the employee on mind-altering
medication at the time? Was the employee distracted, say, carrying on a
conversation with a co-worker? Upon reading that the employee was a female,
was she also blonde? Did the employee fill out her own application for work
at the restaurant, or did someone else? Is this person proof positive that
extraterrestrial life exists and aliens are among us?
The manager should be questioned for competency as well.
When asked how someone could make such a blunder, he responded, "At a distance
it looks like a real bill, it's got the green color,"
It sounds to me like he's covering up. When held in one's hand, how much
distance are we talking about? Perhaps, he's sleeping with the cashier, or
maybe it's an inside job, and he's in on it.
Unfortunately, there were other clues that should have prevented the bill
from being accepted by the cashier, namely the number 200. WE DON'T HAVE
A 200-DOLLAR BILL! Furthermore a picture of George W. Bush adorns the front
of the bill, and a sign on the White House lawn reads, "We Like Broccoli."
There's even an oil well on the back.
If you should accidentally pass some funny money, you can't be prosecuted
for counterfeiting unless the denomination of the funny money has a real-currency
counterpart. Instead, you can be charged with "theft by deception," which
sounds like a lesser offense. I don't recommend readers attempt to use any
funny money in a retail transaction, but if you do, try Dairy Queen first.
Quotables
Readers Share
Rayanne Adams was heard to exclaim, "You can tell that Daddy doesn’t
have anything to write about when he writes about his commode and his hairdryer."
Leoda Morrow wrote to say, "The very moment I began to think, 'He left out
my favorite candy bar,' you mentioned the Snickers bar. This has to be my
favorite for as long as I can remember. Over the years, when I would have
'a craving,' I would eat too many and not want any more for a
while¾but I keep going back and buying
more¾I can tell by my waistline!"
Bodock Beau
Things Mother Taught Me
Lisa B. Rolik was kind enough to share the following list of things "mother
taught." I expect we've all had such a mom.
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill
each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going
to knock you into the middle of next week!"
My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."
My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."
My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll give you something
to cry about."
My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat
your supper!"
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you look at the dirt
on the back of your neck!"
My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach
is finished."
My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through
your room."
My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you
a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - "Stop acting like your
father!"
My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children
in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
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